But God: From Burnout to Breakthrough

In 2021, I found myself in a dark, confusing place. I had gone to counseling, been meeting with ladies in an accountability group, and had not missed time in the Bible, but I was off. I couldn’t put it into words besides the fact that my body was giving out, and my mind was not thinking right. My doctor discovered an autoimmune disease. I had nodules growing in my lungs, liver, and spleen. That explained the physical symptoms that were causing pain, shallow breathing, and extreme lack of energy, but I knew that my mind and spirit were still not right. 

My husband and I, along with a committed group of people, had planted Gospel City Church in Granger, IN, in 2009. It had grown from thirteen people to over two thousand. We had a front row seat to watching God do amazing things! Many people came to Christ for salvation. Many people grew in their faith, and their lives were transformed. We completed three building projects, and the church was debt-free. My husband was living his best life. He was able to move from being a generalist as a church planter to doing what he did best, leading and preaching. We loved our staff and had been able to watch their families grow. Our elders were aligned and a blessing. Our kids were doing well. 

Almost everything on the outside looked great, so why wasn’t I okay on the inside? With the gift of hindsight, I know now that I was utterly burned out. I had been stuck in my amygdala, or what counselors call Fight or Flight for a long time. I had become hyper-focused on solving the problems in my world.  I constantly felt an underlying sense of unease. I never knew when another marriage in the church was going to fall apart or when a staff member would be upset. I felt like I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was constantly “on” in my house, at church, and when I was out in the community. When you are in that state, everything feels like a genuine threat. I couldn’t see that everything was ok, I was just stuck in a state of alarm.

But God. 

The phrase "But God" is found many times in Scripture (44 times in the KJV) and is always a message of hope. God is constantly intervening in our lives, creating a contrast between what seems hopeless and what God can accomplish. God is so faithful and never leaves us to ourselves. He stepped in by giving me a diagnosis, rounds of medication, a diet to follow, and has put me in remission. We moved to a warmer climate where my body does so much better breathing and dealing with pain. He let us be a part of Family Life, where my job was simple and other people were handling the crisis.  He let me slow down enough to see light and hope again. 

However, the most significant source of healing came through a ministry called Parakaleo.  Parakaleo was created to be a ministry for pastors' wives, specifically church-planting pastors’ wives, but I think it is for every Christian. Parakaleo teaches you tools that help you get your heart to the gospel. In any situation that arises, you have a simple tool to guide your heart toward the Truth of the gospel. Even though nothing outside might change, things change in my heart and mind as I meet with Jesus.

Ray Ortlund says, “Healing happens with the gospel, plus safety, plus time”. In 2021, God placed me in an online Parakaleo group, where I felt safe and began my healing journey. In 2022, I drove an hour to be part of a local group. Some women were driving 2 to 3 hours. ‘It is worth the drive, ’ we would always say! In 2024, I apprenticed under a Parakaleo leader, and the group met in my home. In 2025, nine ladies gathered once a month, where we met with the Lord and each other. 

Parakaleo helped me acknowledge the longings in my heart as right and good things, see why things are broken now, and how Jesus will one day restore all things. I learned that it wasn’t wrong to long for good things that I don’t have yet and won't until Heaven. I will live with unfulfilled longings in the here and now, and for that, there is grace available. 

I was able to see the sin in my heart and mind, and taught where to go with it. Instead of burying sin, ignoring it, or running to solve someone else’s crisis, I was invited to bring it to the cross of Jesus, knowing that I am a great sinner and He is a greater Savior. Who Jesus is and what He has done grew in my mind and heart. 

I am learning that I let my voice and others’ voices be loud in my mind. Oftentimes, louder and stronger than Jesus’s. Being able to repent and ask the Lord to help me hear Him and listen to Him more than anyone else is healing me.

I am learning that Jesus rested and invites me to rest too. To rest in His finished work on the cross and the grace available every day. He has got it, and because He does, I don’t have to.

I don’t know if you are dealing with anything similar, but if you are, I would love for you to know you are not alone. God is waiting to write a But God into your story! He is so faithful, and life change is His specialty! Jeremiah 29:13 tells us we will seek and find God when we seek Him with all our hearts. He loves to intervene with a But God….

If you think being a part of a Parakaleo group might help you on your journey, I would love to invite you to join a group this fall, either online or a local in-person group. It may feel awkward or intimidating at first. I felt that way, too, but we all understand ministry life.  We are all broken and yet beautiful, and God loves to show up where His children are seeking Him. I would love to invite you to be a part of a Cohort I am leading called Center Group. We will walk through the Parakaleo Legacy material together. Here is a link where you can sign up.

Join My Center Group