This weekend, Andrea and I will lead a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. As I prepare to address 500 couples, I'm struck by how dramatically the landscape of marriage ministry has shifted since we began speaking about God's design for marriage 18 years ago.
In 2006, divorce rates were climbing so our goal seemed pretty straightforward–prevent couples from considering divorce. Our mission then was to help struggling couples recommit to their vows and "forsake all others as long as we both shall live." While the threats to marriage were intense, there was still a broad cultural consensus that although marriage was hard, it was worth it.
Today, I face a fundamentally different challenge. Instead of convincing married couples to stay married, I find myself needing to make the case for why couples should get married. My goal has changed: I must present marriage not merely as something that's "good for you" (like broccoli), but as something beautiful, enjoyable, and deeply desirable.
The roots of this shift run deep. Many in the younger generation have never witnessed a beautiful, intimate, and enduring marriage that might inspire them to pursue the same. Some carry the scars of their parents' divorce, while others grew up never knowing their father. In this context, the idea of committing one's entire life—body and soul—to another person doesn't just seem difficult; it feels dangerous.
Yet, our culture hasn't abandoned its longing for romance. But so many people now seek romance without the "entanglement" of covenant promises. The popularity of romantic comedies and dating apps like Tinder—designed for brief encounters—reveals our persistent desire to be loved and to share life with someone who cherishes us.
As my friend Pastor Collin Outerbridge observes, "Modern romance is broken, and it's breaking us." These contemporary alternatives to marriage, with their shallow, temporary connections, ultimately teach us a harsh lesson: romance might go fast, but without marriage, it doesn't go far. Instead, it leaves us wounded, betrayed, and bitter.
This weekend, our audience will include many married couples who carry the weight of failed romances in their past. They will be there because they want to be reminded that God's design for exclusive, permanent, life-long love offers something far deeper than modern romance can. They're searching for fulfillment that neither Netflix nor TikTok can provide.
So what message could possibly be more compelling than the allure of modern romance?
Simply this: God sent His Son to win an unlikely bride—to pursue one who was unattractive and fiercely independent. His plan was to wash her with the water of His word, preparing her for presentation to His Father at a wedding feast in His honor. We are that unlikely bride, loved with an everlasting covenant love.
When I believe this, every moment of my marriage becomes an opportunity to reflect this transformative love to a world starving for something that modern romance simply cannot deliver.
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